Let’s focus on something good for a moment
You might like to try running through the same exercise, or a short version, with someone who you trust absolutely. This should be someone you’ve known well, and interacted with a lot, for a very long time – long enough for the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a manipulative person to be over, and any problems to show up. This person has had your back, supported but also maybe challenged you to be the best you can be. She or he has never let you down in a major way; or if they had, they were really contrite and made a true and lasting change for the better. This is someone who feel might be a better person than you.
This can form a useful contrast.
As an example, here are some points about my friend and colleague Mehmuda Mian – an absolutely stalwart, outstanding colleague who has become a wonderful and lasting friend, through thick and thin.
Why is she so trustworthy and good?
She’s not competitive; a win for me is a win for us both, and she shares a win for her not like boasting, but as if it is a win for me.
There is grit and determination – like when she’s urging me to do better or get real; but it makes me feel inspired and tough rather than undermined or sabotaged.
Her stated ethics have always been matched by behaviour and action.
When she confirms my gut instincts, intuitions, and assessments she doesn’t just echo me. She adds new perspectives. So it feels real instead of someone mimicking me. She also challenges me when she disagrees, but in a friendly way.